dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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