There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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