I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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