This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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