hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
