Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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