No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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