You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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