Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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