Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
