this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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