I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
