Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
