the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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