This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize