I cannot find my penis.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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