And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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