who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
