Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
