Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am one with the molecules
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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