so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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