She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
