What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
