So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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