I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
