Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
