i used baking grease as lip gloss
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
