So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
