I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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