If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You pole danced in your parka.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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