Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
