This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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