is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
