I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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