I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
