His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
