Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
