just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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