just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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