how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So here I am, sexting at work.
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