I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
