when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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