Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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