are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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