i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
