too bad you live with your parents still
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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