playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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