I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize