i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
