I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize