Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
They left me at home... I'm a liability
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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