I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
