so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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