His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
