My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
