You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
