i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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