I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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