Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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