I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm having to shit out rocks
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
