He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
