Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
