You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
