That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
