Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
