Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
