I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
