I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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