I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
