so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's blow job season.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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