you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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