he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
