Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
