brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
