I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
