I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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