Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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