she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
