I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
