Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
