3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
